雅思6分作文范文解析

雅思6分作文范文解析：

Somepeoplethinkthatasenseofcompetitioninchildrenshouldbeencouraged.Othersbelievethatchildrenwhoaretaughttoco-operateratherthancompetebecomemoreusefuladults.Discussboththeseviewsandgiveyourownopinion.

Nowadays,purposeofeducationbeingchangedinKorea.Therearesomepeoplewhothinkthatcompetitioninchildrenshouldbemade,alsoothersbelievethatchildrenwhoaretaughttoco-operateaswellasbecomemoreusefuladults.Thereareadvantagesanddisadvantagesforbothofthearguments.

Tobeginwith,whatisgoodifasenseofcompetitioninchildrenismade?Theycoulddevelopthemselvesmoreandmoreastheylearnandstudyalottowinfromthecompetition.Toprovethis,inKorea,itispopular-evencommonnow-tohaveatutorwhocometostudent’shousetoteachextrapiecesofstudywithpayingalotofmoney.Theylearnfasterthanwhattheylearnatschool.Furthermore,duringthevocations,studentsstudyabroadtolearnEnglishforamonthinsteadofreviseschoolwork.Iftheyhaveexperimentssuchasstudyabroad,itisoneofthegreatestpluspointtogotothefamouswell-knownhighschool.Moreover,therearefourbigschoolexamandtwonationalexaminationstoteststudents’levelofstudies.Generally,onlythehighest40%cangotothegoodqualityhighschoolsandcollegeschildrenlearnasmuchastheycan,towinthecompetitiontoobtaingoodqualityschools.

Ontheotherhand,astheyarebusytoentertheschoolsandstudyindividuallywiththeirowntutors,thereareproblems.Theybecomeselfish.Theybecomecarelessanddon’thelpothersalotifitisaboutstudies.Therewillbenoco-operationsforthem.Then,whyaretherecompaniesformanypeopletoworkin?eachofthemareclever,however,thereareweakpartsandstrongpartsforeachperson.Toco-operateistoimprovethispart.Peopletalkandlistentowhatothersthinkingofandlearn.Thatcouldalsobeagreatopportunitytolearninsteadoflearningalonewithoneteacher.

Inconclusion,Istronglyagreewiththatchildrenshouldbetaughttoco-operateratherthancompete.Nobodyisperfect.Peoplelearntogether,worktogethertodevelopeachother.therefore,Iwantparentsandteacherstoeducatechildrenconcentratingonco-operation,notcompeteandrankingthem.

问题分析：

从论证大主题的角度而言，此篇文章的收尾是co-operation更重要的成立的，但是这位考生在文字数量分配上却没有规划，分配给competition的文字明显多于给co-operation的，这样给了考官一个非常合情合理的借口扣分，实在是遗憾啊!

写作建议NO.5：Ifitisyourpreference,giveitmorereference.

若大家认同那个观点，那么便在这个观点上多写点吧。

若大家进一步看下Body段里的细节内容，事实上这位考生的语法功力以及逻辑论证能力比上面那位5分同学还有一定的距离，但是这篇文章将题目里的2个方面都提到，没有犯我的NO.3建议中的错误。除此之外，文字总量上这一篇文章称之为2篇都有明显的优势，所以再强调下数量真的也很重要。